Asian Tea Ceremony

"When two people marry they not only marry each other they marry the other's entire family" 
-Ancient Chinese Proverb-

For thousands of years, Asian cultures have communicated the values of strong family ties to the younger generations. This is most evident in the Chinese wedding tea ceremony.

On the wedding day, the newlyweds would formally present themselves to the groom's family. They would serve tea to the elders. Lotus seeds and two red dates are used in the tea for two reasons. First, the words "lotus" and "year", "Seed" and "Child" and "date" and "early" are homophones, i.e. they have the same sound but different meanings in Chinese. Secondly, the ancient Chinese believed putting these items in the tea would help the newlyweds produce children early in their marrage and every year, which would ensure many grandchildren for their parents. Also, the sweetness of the special tea is a wish for sweet relations between the bride and her new family. After the elders would drink the tea, they in turn blessed the couples and gave them gifts and "hong bao", Bright envelopes filled with money symbolizing their acceptance and joy.

With love and appreciation, the newlyweds would then serve tea to their parents. The parents would then shower the couple with gifts wishing them future happiness and prosperity. Then the bride and groom would bow to each other and this would complete the marriage ceremony. The principles of love, harmony, respect, and purity were demonstrated by this simple ceremony and are believed to be the keys to a lasting marriage.

The Bachelor Party/Dinner

The Bachelor Dinner More commonly known today as the bachelor party, this celebration in the groom's honor was originally called the bachelor dinner, or stag party. Like many other wedding traditions, the custom has stood the test of time.  It first came about in the fifth century, in Sparta, where military comrades would feast and toast one another on the eve of a friend's wedding.  Even today, a bachelor party customarily takes place quite close to the actual wedding date, as it has become known as the groom's last taste of freedom?  Despite the risque entertainment that is associated with stag parties today,  bachelor parties have not always entailed this controversial element.  Although rowdy and boisterous, bachelor parties are traditionally organized to allow the jittery groom and his wedding attendants to release some anxieties before the big day.

The Bridal Gown

Wedding gowns have not always been elaborate, as many are today. In the eighteenth century, poor brides dressed in simple robes. This symbolized to her future husband that she brought nothing with her into the marriage and would therefore not burden him with any debt. It wasn't until the mid nineteenth century that the all-white wedding dress became fashionable. Up until then a bride simply wore her best dress, regardless of its color. In 1840, Queen Victoria's pure white gown started the trend that many women follow today.

The Bridal Shower

The Bridal Shower originated with the intent to strengthen friendships between the bride and her friends. In this gathering, the bride's friends would give her moral support and help her prepare for her marriage. The idea to give gifts is fairly new; originating circa the 1890's. At one shower, the bride's friend placed small gifts inside a parasol and opened it over the bride's head so that the presents would "shower" over her. When word of this hit the fashion pages, people were so taken with the idea that they decided to do the same at their showers.

The Brides Veil

Veils were originally worn by unmarried women to show modesty. In early weddings, men bargained for wives with the woman's father. At the wedding ceremony, a bride wore the veil as a symbol of submissiveness and a promise to obey her new husband. Only after the ceremony was the veil lifted to reveal the bride's appearance to the groom. Sometime in the sixteenth century, headdresses with delicate veils became fashionable; lace veils became popular after Queen Victoria's wedding in 1840. Another Twist to this tradition is that Along with these kidnappings and bartering, there were also arranged marriages. In these, the groom's family informed him that he was to marry...but they very rarely let him see the bride. After all, if the groom didn't like the bride's looks, he might not agree to the marriage. With this in mind, the father of the bride gave the bride away to the groom who then lifted the veil to see his wife of all eternity for the first time.

The First Marriage Rites

The earliest weddings were very different from our idea of marriage today. Our primitive ancestors came together for protection and survival rather than meaningful relationships. Since there was safety in numbers, primitive people formed tribes to which they were very loyal. Some historians believe that the first marriages may have actually been group weddings - marriage to the tribe. It wasn't until much later that men and women came together in couples, and formed individual families. Even then, marriage wasn't always a happy event. Due to tribal rivalry, women and children were often captured or stolen. Since many tribes had rules forbidding intermarriage within a clan, women were kidnapped and forced to marry the strangers who captured them. Historians often refer to this period in time as the "marriage by capture" era.

The Groom's Cake

In the past, the groom's cake was actually called the wedding cake, and what we now think of as the wedding cake was referred to as the bride's cake. Over time, the terminology was reversed, but superstition surrounding the groom's cake was not lost.  According to an old myth, if a single woman sleeps with a piece of the groom's cake under her pillow, she will dream of the man that she will marry.  The first groom's cakes were reserved for guests to take home as a memento of the wedding.  For this reason, they were usually made of dark, heavy fruitcake since it is durable and keeps for a long period of time. Contemporary groom's cakes, however, are not bound by old traditions.  In fact, the groom's cake is a perfect opportunity to express creativity. Many grooms like to have the cake decorated or shaped into something that reflects one of their hobbies, or something the couple enjoys doing together.

The Honeymoon

The bride and groom's honeymoon hasn't always been a post-wedding vacation together, as we know it today. The word actually originated in northern Europe from a tradition involving wine made from mead and honey.  In order to bring good luck, the newlywed couple drank the sweet wine, called metheglen, for a month after the wedding. Since a month was known as a "moon," this period of time acquired the name honeymoon.

Something Old, Something New

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue...(and a Silver Sixpence in Her Shoe.) This good-luck saying originated in the Victorian era. Brides today often incorporate special items into their wedding attire according to the rhyme. 

"Something Old" symbolizes a link to the bride's family and the past.  A family heirloom, such as a piece of antique jewelry or a family member's wedding dress can represent the old object. Or, a bride can sew lace or ribbon into the hem of her dress. 

"Something New" represents good fortune and success in the bride's new life. A bride may wear a new string of pearls, or use her wedding gown as the new item. 

"Something Borrowed" symbolizes the love and support of family and friends in times of need. A borrowed object can be a token from a happily married friend, such as a lace handkerchief. 

"Something Blue" is an object that symbolizes faithfulness and loyalty. Brides commonly choose a blue garter or ribbon. "A Silver Sixpence In Her Shoe," is a blessing for wealth. Since sixpences are difficult to find, any silver coin makes a sufficient substitute.

Over The Threshold

This was done to protect the bride from any evil spirits which may be hiding beneath the threshold. The groom would carry his beautiful bride to safety and happiness so they could start their new lives together.

The Unity Candle

The unity candle is a symbol of family unity. Usually a single candle (representing the newly married couple) is lit with two individual candles, each representing the bride's and groom's families.

The Wedding Cake

Wedding cakes have been a part of marriage ceremonies since medieval times. In Rome, the first wedding cakes were actually loaves of wheat bread. During the ceremony, the bread was broken over the bride?s head as a blessing for long life and many children. Guests often ate the crumbs as a sign of good luck. 

Over time, a variant of this custom evolved into the forerunner of the contemporary tiered cake that is widely used today. In medieval England, wedding guests brought small cakes to the ceremony as a gift for the newlyweds. The cakes were stacked in a pile, as high as possible, to make it difficult for the newlyweds to kiss one another over the top. If the bride and groom were able to kiss over the tall stack, it was thought to symbolize a lifetime of prosperity. Eventually, the idea of stacking them neatly and frosting them together was adopted as a more convenient option. 

Although wedding cakes were once white inside and out, there are few rules about how they look today. Contemporary cakes can be any color, flavor or shape. Even if a couple prefers a traditional layered wedding cake, there are countless options for decoration. Saving a portion of the wedding cake is an old tradition that some couples still practice. As a sign of posterity, couples freeze the top portion of their wedding cake, thawing it out on their first anniversary to share with one another. Since normal cakes won't keep this long (and still taste good,) bakers can prepare a special layer that will survive for a year in the freezer.

The Wedding Flowers 

Before the use of flowers in the bridal bouquet, women carried aromatic bunches of garlic, herbs, and grains to drive evil spirits away as they walked down the aisle. Over time, these were replaced with flowers, symbolizing fertility and everlasting love. Specific flowers have special meanings in many cultures. In Hawaii, the bride and groom wear leis; newlyweds in India don floral headdresses. It is also known that the wedding bouquet was used in the 1800's for a reason other then to drive away evil spirits. Some people say that the traditions behind weddings happening in June was due to the bathing of family's. Once a year in may the family's would take there annual bath, Starting with the Eldest and ending with the youngest. Weddings were traditionally held in June because after only one month, the couples were fairly clean. (Well clean as they could be after a month anyway.) The flowers were there to mask any odors that may exist on the bride.

The Wedding Infare

Many people may have never heard of the term infare, yet are quite familiar with the tradition. In the 1880s, it was an American custom for the bridegroom's parents to host an infare, or a feast, on the day following the wedding. Today, this custom has evolved into a Sunday brunch intended to give out-of-town guests more opportunity to visit with family, friends and other wedding guests before returning home.